38,000 feet above sea level, I look out the small plane window and think about freedom. Yet again. What is freedom… Something that I always crave and something that sometimes seems hard to balance with other desires in life.
Work, hobbies, material comfort, belonging to society and professional organisations, financial stability, relationships, kids, pets… Do all these create limitations against our freedom? Do we pay a high price of forgoing the right to freedom in exchange for stability, comfort and sense of belonging?
I'll start with my definition of freedom, it is the opportunity and ability to easily make a choice and to express yourself without feeling a need to comply with other people’s demands, beliefs and opinions.
Let's go back to where it all starts - our childhood, this may appear basic but stay with me.
When we are kids up until teenage years we don’t have much of a freedom. We rely on our parents or those who serve the role of our parents to navigate us through life. Some parents give the right of choice in some things but overall the direction is strictly set by the society norms. We go to school at a certain age, we dress in a certain way, we need to behave in a certain way or else we get in trouble by the school principle and parents.
Then, as we get to teenage years, suddenly we need to start making decisions. Our circle of potential friends expands, we get to choose our classes, hobbies and make career choices, depending on how much freedom our parents, country and society allows. Do you remember being lost during your teenage years, and not sure what to do with this sudden freedom? Many of us go wild with exploration of self-expression and making wide range of choices, some that are restricted by society; we let ourselves rebel suddenly realizing the freedom we have. Drinking under age, drinking and driving, cheating on the tests, name your own rebellious choices. We often learn the hard way why we should comply with certain norms. Cheating on your partner led to losing the purity of relationship and feelings, texting while driving led to accidents, excessive partying led to a failure on the school tests and getting in trouble with the principal, I could continue but the list is too long. All this teaches us to be responsible, and to comply with the rules of society, employers, relationships, and… losing the sense of freedom? Maybe, maybe not. The answer is more complicated than that.
Every person decides on his/her degree of freedom and risk they are willing to tolerate. Some people are more rebellious and go against the grain, often in a negative way destroying their own life and life of others. Other people decide to stay within the norms of society and requirements of their parents, family, friends, partners, and don’t let themselves choose what their heart truly desires. Some people are rebellious openly, others - secretly.
Is there a perfect balance of freedom, ability to truly express yourself and being true to your inner source, without sacrificing the quality of your life and being able to enjoy career success, financial stability, long-term relationships and family?
There must be, and while I’m on a search for it myself, I invite you to join me in my exploration.
I believe the following few steps help in achieving such balance of freedom and maintaining strong relationships with others, including colleagues, business partners, family and a love partner.
1. Self-growth. Expand your mindset. Since you are already on my website, reading some of my other articles in the Mindset section might be a good start (I constantly work on new articles and add the results of my research and thoughts to the blog). Read self-growth books, listen to podcasts led by successful charismatic visionary people, follow inspiring bloggers and influencers. Invest in yourself and prioritize your physical and mental health.
2. Surround yourself with people free of judgement, bias, fears, worries; people who, like you, also prioritise their freedom in a positive way. Those people are rare to find but easy to spot. They usually have charisma, confidence, strong vision and they follow their intuition, exude positive energy, happiness, peace and satisfaction with life. They almost never complain over small things, concentrate on a bigger picture, and are strong and fearless. They trust the universe and their intuition, and make great things happen for themselves and for others.
If you don’t have such people in your circle, it’s time to expand it and open yourself to meeting people outside of your current circle of friends, colleagues and family. You may also have people in your current circle who are interested in self-growth - discussing your thoughts with your friends, partner and colleagues and finding those whose ideology aligns with yours would strengthen your current relationships.
3. Improve connection between your body and mind, find your purpose, desires, connect with your inner voice, intuition and wisdom. It’s easy to get caught up in a poor daily routine and keep going with what society and your circle assures you should be doing, but does it align with your inner spirit? We have a tendency of looking for a rationalization for our decisions, but the subconscious part of the brain offers a better decision even if it seems that you cannot rationalize it to others. Our subconscious part of the brain, that has evolved over a much longer period of time than conscious rational part of the brain, picks up certain signals that conscious mind might not take into account.
Meditations, long walks, dedicated time for self-exploration help you align with your intuition, that would sure help you find the right answers. Once you start hearing and listening to your inner voice, it might be scary to follow it due to the lack of reasonability but it would sure take you to the highs that you may have not even envisioned happening.
4. Find ways to express your inner desires in a positive way. Guide your freedom-seeking rebel in the positive direction. Going against society norms as a way to express your freedom of choice may not always lead to a positive outcome for you. Once you feel that inner energy ready to explode and come out, search for positive ways to direct it towards. If you really want to be different then you need to create something amazing and stand out greatly. It’s easy and dumb to stand out as a destructive rebel, don’t do that, be more mature than that.
5. Establish clear communication with your circle of people - colleagues, managers, business partners, friends, family and a life partner. Learn to express what you want, how you want it, what you have to offer and what your expectations are. As you develop your unique vision, be sure to share it with your close circle. This allows for people around you to hear you out and understand how your vision and desires align with their values, and to increase the potential of growing together rather than growing apart, and possibly keep long-term connections in your life. It’s easy to destroy a connection with a person. It’s hard to keep a long-term friendship or relationship but it’s so beautiful, strong and certainly worth investing into.
6. Accept that sometimes you need to let people and opportunities go. It is hard to let go of something you’ve invested your time and energy into but if they don’t align with your vision and values, it is destructive to hold on to those things. Most importantly, remember that YOU is all you really have - the time and energy you invested in certain relationships and opportunities is really the time you invested in yourself. We gain something from all interactions, the more you learn from them - the better, the more you experience - the better. One door closes, the other opens. By holding onto something that no longer aligns with your inner spirit doesn’t let new beautiful things come in to your life.
7. Having strong values is quite liberating. Your values help you determine whether certain opportunities, people, places and experiences are right for you. Ability to make a choice that aligns with your values gives you a feeling of control over your life, allows you to take the responsibility for your actions. Don’t be a victim, be stronger, take control over your life, and act in line with your values.
8. Respect others and their freedoms, and others will respect you and your freedom in return. Eradicate judgement. By doing so, you surround yourself with freedom. That feeling of people enjoying their freedom around you is liberating. Don’t try to control others and don’t let others control you. Freedom grows from the inside not from external sources. Share freedom with others and let others enjoy themselves and their ability to make their own choices without pressure from you and watch that freedom bloom around you. Those who show control and power over others limit themselves and create a very stiff environment for themselves. Freedom and power are not to be confused.
9. Understand that all past choices were made to the best of your ability at the moment the decision was made. Forgive yourself and don’t blame yourself. Before you let others liberate you, you need to liberate yourself from your own judgement. Just do the best you can today and going forward so to avoid any regrets and feeling of lost opportunities and poor decisions. Best choices are the ones that align with your inner flame and are positive and non-toxic to others.
Freedom is one of the key words in my life vision. Being free means being true to myself. I explore my freedom wisely and make sure to stay in line with my values and enjoy my life to the fullest. I think it is one amazing feeling of having no limits for your life, being open to exploration and accepting many beautiful things coming your way.
Breathe in deeply and breathe all the way out. The freedom is there for you to enjoy in the best way possible. Life is beautiful.
Comments