People all over the world, any nationality, any religion, any sexual identity, are challenged with this question - what is the key to building a strong romantic partnership? What is the foundation for a strong relationship, how to make the relationship last and how to retain the magic of infatuation and connection between the two people?
We often hear a very contradicting and confusing phrase “the opposites attract”. It does make sense to me with the meaning of “the opposites” such that the relationship dynamic is created from the opposites of genders and the different roles they play in a relationship. (This can apply to same-sex couples just as much as to traditional couples)
To better explain this, I compare the relationship dynamic between a man and a woman to a dance. Here is how the dance unfolds. Read between the lines. At the end of the story I’ll clarify each move.
She’s dressed up and looking pretty. She loves herself and so she takes care of her health, body and looks. She invests in the way she feels, moves, appears and thinks. Her mind, her body and her soul are the center of her universe. And from the love to herself a love to everything and everyone else is born. She smiles and she shines, she’s happy. She enjoys the moment and surroundings, she is grateful and feeling blessed.
And He sees it. He chooses to see her. He comes up to her, acknowledges her beauty and asks her for a dance. She smiles and widens her eyes. In an instant, millions of non-verbal thoughts are running through her body. Her subconscious mind is reading his gestures, his face, body language, appearance. Can she trust him to lead her in this dance? After a brief pause, she nods with a smile.
He puts his right arm around her waist and extends his left hand. Her hands gently touch his shoulder and his hand. She feels safe in his strong arms and she moves up closer. The sparks, the music, the connection between the two people. The creation of magic.
He leads the way to the beat of the music. He is brave, he knows where and how he needs to move and how to keep her safe. She feels through and pays attention where he is taking her with every step and follows to keep the dance in a beautiful unison. If she is uncomfortable, she alerts him with her body movements. He listens to them intently. If she feels uncomfortable or unsafe with his movements, speed or direction, he is to catch it right away and adapt his movements so he can keep her happy and shining. She is airy, soft and wise, and he is inspired by her inner and outer beauty.
The music quiets. She graciously thanks him for the dance and acknowledges his skills. He is delighted by her company and he asks her for another dance.
Do you see how the dance dynamic connects to the dynamic in a relationship?
In life, a man is a leader. Masculine, confident, strong, reliable. He takes responsibility for how things unfold, he clears the path for the life of the couple, covers basic needs and ensures safety. He respects her and supports her throughout the way.
A woman is a light. Feminine, airy, elegant, sensual, and has a deep connection between her mind and body. She takes responsibility for the quality of life, inspires him and ensures the connection between him and her is strong and blooming. The tune between her mind and body helps her recognize and point out if something is out of tune in both of their lives or between the two of them.
The two are equals but in a very different way. They have different responsibilities, which are all equally important. Their connection is like a magnet, created from the force of two contrasts. Yin-yang, equal but different.
A great dance occurs when both look amazing in their own way. In a relationship, each person is to prioritise themselves and the connection within themselves (mind, body, health, desires, appearance) and to invest into the connection within the couple as a second priority. When each invests time in their own desires, their growth, set proper boundaries, then they are able to gracefully move through the dance of the relationship.
When a person loves him/herself and feels whole, only then he/she can share love with the other person. The love that comes from within, rather than the love that comes from fear of loosing the other (because of not being/feeling good enough).
Enjoy your dance of life and the dance of your relationship!
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